Why I Love Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Moments like this are the reason that I can sit for hours on end watching episodes of NMTB on YouTube. Simon Amstell's dry, sarcastic wit actually kills me, and the guests are actually so freaking funny sometimes. The best ones:

Donny Tourette from Towers of London
Series 20, Episode 2

OH MY GOD. If you haven't seen this episode already, look it up on YouTube and wach it because you will die laughing. Donny Tourette is suchg a tosser, but everyone's constant mocking of him more than makes up for wanting to hit him. His ridiculous answers ("Because his helmet turned blue?") And he doesn't seem to realise that everyone's taking the piss out of him. I can't possibly do justice to the amusement of this episode, so watch it.



John Barrowman
Series 19, Episode 5

I think this has to be my favourite episode. John Barrowman is absolutely fucking hilarious. His camp demeanour... the infamous 'gay off'... The jokes in this episode are absolutely quality. "We've had a gay man guessing Kylie... a black lady guessing Bob Marley... we are doing nothing to subvery expectations tonight." And I love the line up, with John Barrowman getting up to move them and.. Oh God, this is such a bloody good episode!



Matt Schultz from Cage The Elephant
Series 22, Episode 2

To be honest, it's more the entire episode, but I was really, really amused by the bleach-blonde American frontman. He was the ideal guest- he took being mocked and gave some back, too. Stephen Fry is hilarious, Phill Jupitus on top form as always and Frankie Sandford is delightfully dumb (although as Simon says, it's "Not Her Fault!") The intellectual jokes had me in fits, and Simon's constant ribbing of Dominic Cooper was just the cherry on top of a near perfect episode. Shame Josie Long had to be there and spoil it.



Amy Winehouse
Series 19, Episode 4

Well, it's almost sad to see her going so downhill when I knew what was to follow in the months after this episode, but it's so hilarious that I just can't feel sorry for the girl. Spitting, swearing, saying she's "rather have cat AIDs" than work with Katie Melua... it just cracks me up. I love Simon Amstell's constant refernces to her drug use ("This isn't even a pop quiz anymore, it's an intervention, Amy!") and his piss taking of Pete Doherty. Oh dear, I could watch this for years. And the whole GMTV vendetta? Hilarious. "Nothing happens on GMTV!"



Lily Allen
Series 19, Episode 6

Possibly my favourite joke from NMTB is Lily's intro. "Lily was expelled from five schools. At 14, she ran away to go to Glastonbury and she pushed pills in Ibiza. Well, I stole my brother's Care Bear, but I don't go on about it. And he's still looking for it. You square!" Ah, it slays me. And her and Simon's hug at the end? Classic comedy material. And I love the running 'Javine is a slag' joke. Best Simon quote from the whole epsiode: "Javine was one of the most boring people I've ever interviewed. And I've interviewed Ronan Keating."



Simon Amstell IS A GOD. I don't care how gay he is, I would still marry him and become Jewish for him! Phill Jupitus is always on top form, but somewhat underrated, I think, and I really, really miss Bill Bailey these days. The best episodes were in his day. So there you go- the best moments from the best show, ever!

Top Five Reasons I Love Skins

5. Because the soundtrack totally and completely fucking owns. They always have the best bands on there; who can forget the Archie Bronson Outfit singing Dart for my Sweetheart in Michelle's series 1 episode? Or MGMT's Time To Pretend playing as Cassie runs through New York in series 2? And then the cast's rendition of Wild World in the finale was the highlight of the whole thing. I couldn't wait to download the album!


4. Because the whole Michelle/ Tony/ Abi thing was kind of riveting. It was hilarious to laugh at Abi's pronounciation ('This is Tony and his frands!') and her whole hatred of Michelle ('I'll kill you, you flat-chested cock sucking horse fucker!') I loved how Michelle was oblivious until it was too obvious for anything else, and then in season 2 things all turned around and Abi stole Tony! That's entertainment.


3. I love Chris. Period. He's the funniest person in the world, ever, and I would kill, maim and torture to actually meet him. And is it just me or is Joe Dempsie somehow quite hot? His thing for Angie? Absolutely quality viewing. His jacket with the flags on it? I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW. And his constant amusing drug highs are freaking hilarious. It makes me actually want to pop pills and join him! Ha. You don't understand how much I cried when he died. How could they do that to him?!?!?!


2. And I love Cassie. She's quirky, and gorgeous, and smart; and oh yeah, a complete and total fucking headcase. The first impression you get of her, running into Abigails hosue to arrange all the food in perfect geometric order, sets you up for a beautiful disaster. In hear head everything's skewed- and she has amazing dress sense, although I'd never wear any of her colour/pattern combos. Go Cassie!


1. The best thing about Skins is obviously the parties. Seriously, who has parties like these and where can I make friends with them? I mean, I've been to plenty of parties in my time, but none so wild, so fun, and so littered with fit guys. Well, Skins party-having people, can you PLEASE, PLEASE move to Peterborough and jazz it up a bit? Thank you.

Something You Should Read..

Sugar Rush by Julie Burchill is one of my favourite teen books ever, because it doesn't feel like Y/A fiction, as it's termed. It's so intelligent and innovative as well as being fresh and quirky. And yes, it's about hot teenage lesbians.

Kim, the narrator, starts off as the likeable underdog. She meekly submits to the whims of her bossy best friend, Zoe ('Saint'). However, it's all change when her Mum leaves the country with a young, filthy rich internet company owner for the Bahamas- Kim has to leave her posh private school and start at the roughest school in Brighton. There, she meets Sugar.. and her entire world turns upside-down.

I acutally love books full of parties, drinking, smoking and fucking. I don't know if it's because it makes it feel more real, or the contrary; but anything that has a Skins feel to it gets my thumbs up. And, in that case, this book was always going to get me going. All Kim and Sugar seem to do is drink, smoke, fuck and get high. It makes me want to live in Brighton if getting wankered is that easy up there! I also really love the way Julie Burchill writes; her descriptions of 'shimmery skittering energy' and 'slinky as a sequined eel' bring me out in a grin from ear to ear.

And while maintaining its 'too cool for school' attitude, and making a pile of vodka bottles and fag ends in the corner, it tackles all the serious stuff, too; i.e. teen lesbianism and being in love with your boy-obsessed slut of a best friend. I spent most of the book feeling really sorry for Kim because of Sugar's Katy Perry-esque Hot'N'Cold tactics. Talk about push me/pull me! It was harder, because you came to really like Kim- you sympathise about her dysfunctional family and when she's having her sexual identity crisis, you really do want to hug her. In fact, the only thing I didn't like about her was that sometimes she was so clingy towards Sugar that even I wanted to punch her. But because she was funny and kooky you could let her get away with it.

The ending was maybe a little depressing.. but real. And there was always that last, unexpected kick to perk it up a little. I have to say, I was really excited to read the sequel from Sugar's point of view (Sweet)- and it didn't disappoint, but it still can't hold a candle to the twisted love story of Kim and Sugar. And then there was the TV series, which doesn't remotely resemble the book- but I really, really, really loved anyway and have watched so many times it's a wonder the disc is stull functioning. I think it's safe to say that I'm fascinated by the dynamics between Kim and Sugar, and I'll keep reading the book until the words blur off the pages, to the soundtrack of I Kissed a Girl on repeat to get me in the mindset. Thank you, Julie Burchill!

My Ten Favourite Songs Right Now

10. The Verve- Bittersweet Symphony



For me, this song is Cruel Intentions. The last scene, where Annette is driving off in Sebastian's car, wearing his sunglasses and smiling, kills me every time. It's just a really heartfelt, really British, really bleak piece of pop music, combined with a memorable orchestra hook and growly vocals from Richard Ashcroft. 'Well, I've never prayed, but tonight I'm on my knees..'


9. David Bowie- Space Oddity



Okay, maybe it was growing up with his music (my Mum is a big fan) but I LOVE David Bowie. He is possibly the best British musician, ever, because he was so versatile and covered so much ground. Labyrinth was one of my favourite films when I was a kid and he was really hot as a brooding Goblin King, and I almost chose As The World Falls Down as my favourite because it is gorgeous. But Space Oddity? Classic. Best way of describing drugs I ever heard, anyway. He makes me proud to be British. And I really love his wonky eyes.

8. Hole- Celebrity Skin



Whatever crazy shit Courtney Love pulls, I'll always be a little bit in love with her because of what she did for music in the 90s. Hole are one my my favourite bands, and I can listen to their Live Through This album for days. And she didn't 'sell out'- she grew up and changed. Madonna changes her style all the time, but no one sticks a bad name on her, do they? Celebrity Skin is just as raw, gritty and slightly jaded as any Hole song ever was, and the video really captures the essence of it perfectly. This song is a perfect grunge portrait of LA celebs, coupled with a catchy hook and Courtney's standard shouty singing.

7. Bright Eyes- The Calendar Hung Itself



This was the first song I ever heard by Bright Eyes, and it's my enduring favourite because of it's scathing, angry lyrics and the enraged spitting tone from Conor Oberst. I can never get over how furious he sounds, and how poetic the lyrics are ('For every speck of tile / There's a thousand more'). Gritty words, catchy tune, perect Riot Grrl theme song, I guess! I set it as my alarm signal, and it certainly got me up in the morning- I was scared Conor Oberst might come in and stab me if I didn't!

6. Hello Saferide- X Telling Me About the Loss of Something Dear



I read about Hello Saferide on my favourite author, Sarra Manning's blog and I have to say, I LOVE HER. Her songs are gorgeous acoustic pop songs that are like mini-novellas; they're like reading a book in three verses and a chorus. This is my favourite off the new album, the aptly titled More Modern Short Stories From... It's all about a young girl losing her virginity and thinking about dancers, then going off to work. It's a situation that happens all the time and I love Annika Norlin for singing about it. If I could, I would totally marry her!

5. The Smiths- Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want



I adore everything ever done by The Smiths, but I will always have a thing for this piece of music. I heard it first in the background of the film Never Been Kissed (a classic 90's film) and it just seems to sum up the male species in that one statement, right? And then I saw that video, and I knew it was love, to combine Morrissey with all my favourite movie stars. I wish the Smiths would reunite. I miss them, even though I wasn't alive when they were together!

4. Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek



I will never, ever fall out of love with this song. Imogen's beautiful voice singing those haunting lyrics just captivates me completely, especially as all the backing is done with a synthesizer. There are no instruments; just the sheer gorgeousness of Imogen's sound. The finest slice of synth pop, ever, undoubtedly. And they played it in The Last Kiss. Ooh, maybe you heard it on The OC season finale? Anyway, go listen to it. And then buy it. And wear out the CD.

3. Hadouken!- Get Smashed, Gatecrash



I love any songs that capture the Skins party culture (because this is my g-g-generation), and this is so one of them. I absolutely love Hadouken! and all of their songs, and they always have awesome videos, too, but Get Smashed, Gatecrash will always reign supreme because it has real singalong quality. It's riddled with lyrics highlighting the immature bad behaviour of youthful parties, and you know what? I fucking love it. 'People being sick on the landing carpet, smoking out in the outside shed / Passing out in the upstairs toilet, getting laid on the parents bed.'

2. Jeffree Star- So Fierce



Some people hate Jeffree Star. Well, not me. So his music is shallow. So it's all about lipstick and sucking dicks. So fucking what? He makes the best anthems for getting wasted, and it's not like what he's talking about isn't a reality for a shit load of people. So Fierce is my favourite party song- it gets me dancing, and screaming the 'Take it off, take it off,' refrain at the top of my lungs. When you hear it, you see beautiful, effortlessly cool people drinking diet coke and vodka, smoking and kissing other beautiful people with lip rings.

1. Foals- Hummer




I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG! I loved the band ever since I saw the lead singer on Never Mind the Buzzcocks and downloaded their first album. Then, I watched the special features on my Skins DVD and OMG! There were Foals, performing possibly the best party song in the entire world, ever. Accompanied by an amazing video filled with my favourite Skins characters partying, I was riveted. Foals fucking own and the lead singer (Yannis?) is also very, very yummy. This isn't on the album, though. Boo!

Bronte vs Austen?

I read somewhere that in life, you're either an Austen girl or a Bronte girl. And, sorry, fans of Jane Austen, I am team Bronte. Although I did like Pride and Prejudice.

Although, in prefect fairness, I haven't read all the books from either camps. It's just, what I have read has, I'm sure, been conclusive enough to allow me to form the opinion I've formed. Now, I think Jane Austen deserves her status as a classic author, because her books are elegant and graceful and have young, pretty, intelligent heroines. They're even quite witty given the time they were written in. But two of my favourite books in the entire world are Bronte's, and no amount of light hearted banter from Miss Austen could ever match the intensity of Wuthering Heights.

Jane Eyre is one of my top three books of all time (the other two being Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel and Lets Get Lost by Sarra Manning, if you're interested.) I love and adore everything about it; it combines so many elements into a riveting story, told by an intelligent, forward-thinking narrator who even shows a hint of feminism in the book. The main reason I loved Jane Eyre is because she was just like me. Plain Jane, as it were; she hasn't been gifted with any beauty, so she works damn hard to be studious instead because she wants to have something. And even when she gets the guy- the hot, fucked-up Mr Rochester- she leaves him because he already has a wife, albeit a crazy one who's locked up, and her self respect won't let her be fucked over. Then this dignity pays off; she comes back, he's a little bit deformed, they live happily ever after. It has horror, it has melodrama, it has romance, it has gritty true-life drama- it's almost like an extended copy of Grazia from the 19th century, for crying out loud!

And then there's Wuthering Heights. I know the relationship between Heathcliff and Cathy shouldn't have been romantic- it was so twisted, as full of hate as it was love, and marred by jealousy - but it really, really was. Anything that's so deep, even if it's as destructive as Heathcliff's love for Cathy turned out to be, is romantic. Even though one of the main themes of the book is cruelty and revenge, somehow the love theme wins out- because although it's short in terms of time, its intensity radiates throughout the entire novel. 'I am Heathcliff! He is always, always on my mind; not as a pleasure to me and mor than I am a pleasure to myself, but as my own being,' cries Cathy. And I, for one, would kill for that kind of love.

Now, this admission may well render me mentally ill, but both of those books made me wish with all my heart for a Byronic hero of my own. A beautiful, tortured soul with a horrible past and a heart full of passion seems so perfect to me- someone articulate and intelligent, like Mr Rochester, or cunning and all-consuming like Heathcliff to spend my days with is ideal to me. I don't mind the mood swings, the bipolar tendencies, the self hatred; because maybe I'm a Byronic heroine. I'm fucked up, maybe in a beautiful way, and I want a beautiful fucked up guy to match. So, erm, Mr Rochester? If you want my number comment me on this blog. Because I want- nay, NEED- to meet you. Both eyes preferred.

Movie Review: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favourite movies, ever. Why? Because Jim Carrey is beyond amazing. Because Kate Winslet's performance is stunning. Because the premise of the entire film is so interesting, so heartwrenching and so riveting. Because all of these things combined with the whole low-budget indie thing add together to give you a bloody amazing film. This was another £3 sale buy. Well, now I never think anything in the sales is automatically shit, because finding this film was possibly the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'd never seen Jim Carrey act seriously before (and I'd heard only bad things about The Number 23) so I wasn't all that thrilled about the thought of him in what is essentially a love story, albeit a very fucked up one. And I've never been more shocked at an actors transformance- far from the over-the-top, slapstick performances I was accustomed to, he plays this quiet, pensive introvert, enthralled by a brash, daring extrovert with constantly changing bright hair colours. He does it so well I almost fell off my chair. Right at the beginning, he is crying and he looks so truly shattered and heartbroken, I can hardly believe that this is the guy from Liar Liar.

As for Kate Winslet: she's typically in those 'English Rose' type roles, so it was a pleasant change to see her play a grungy American girl with a 'give a fuck' attitude. Her American accent was actually really believable and seeing her with blue hair was pretty fricking surreal. She was a perfect Clementine; I don't know where she pulled that bitter, jaded tone of voice from the beginning of the movie from, but it was a place she won't want to go cause it sounded damn scary.

The film should be loosely sci-fi but it somehow isn't. Basically, Joel and Clementine have had a turbulent relationship and broken up. On impulse, she undergoes this fictional surgical proceedure to remove him from her memory, and when he hears about it, he does the same. The film is travelling back through Joel's memories of their relationship, him realising he still loves her, forgetting her anyway and then them meeting again. It's such a beautiful film that could only have come from French director Michel Gondry (who is a genius, by the way). And the final scene of them playing in the snow is so aestetically beautiful that it made me cry even harder than I was already crying.

It's one of those films that will have you quoting parts of it for weeks. My favourite is 'I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.' Oh, and soundtrack wise, Beck's version of Everybodys Gotta Learn Sometime was the absolute highlight for me, although it did open my eyes to the wonders of The Polyphonic Spree. Pretty please watch it, just so you can admire Jim Carrey's best role to date?

Movie Review: The Last Kiss

I picked up this movie for £3 in a sale somewhere, so I wasn't exactly expecting much from it. It got shit reviews (the ones I read anyway) but I don't tend to listen to what the magazines tell me, so I gave it a go. However, optimism was not a word I would have used. How wrong I was.

It's basically a group of people all suffering some kind of minor emotional breakdown. There's the main storyline with Braff about a guy terrified his best years are passing him by, and wants some excitement before he commits totally to his beautiful pregnant girlfriend. He meets a wayward young student (I couldn't stop thinking, OMG! SUMMER!) and nothing goes to plan. There's a guy who leaves his wife and baby, a (quite cute and rugged) guy who decides to go to South America after he loses his girlfriend and then his Dad, and their hairy sex-addicted friend who agrees to go with him. Then you see the Jacinda Barrett character's parents marriage falling apart, her affair being revealed, etc. Think a feature-length, Americanized Eastenders, really.

And I loved it. I think Rachel Bilson's performance got sold short; she managed to act really young, really immature and somehow, really attractive. She embodied the impulsive, exciting thing that Braff's character thought he wanted, and she was sexy (although, I thought, a little bit stalker-y in parts!) I bet a lot of people wanted him to end up with her; but I liked it that he left her. He loved his girlfriend, and even though he wanted Kim, he wouldn't let himself have her again. It was chivalrous; it was cute, in a twisted way; and it was real.

I think Zach Braff deserves some credit as a serious actor, too; people refuse to accept anything he does that isn't Scrubs (which I love, by the way) so he didn't get much praise for this movie, but I found him very moving. The part where he sits on the porch for three days certainly made me cry- it reminded me of that song by The Script (Gotta stand my ground, even if it rains or snows/ If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go) and I couldn't believe that JD was making my eyes prickle with tears.

Oh, and this film totally deserves some credit for a quality soundtrack. Two of my favourite songs are on it, which I suggest you go and download now- Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap, which is possibly the most perfect slice of synth pop ever, and Warning Sign by Coldplay, who are usually really boring but managed to pique even my interest with the gorgeous song.

Overall, I'd say four out of five- because it didn't change my entire philosophy on life. But it made me smile, and it made me cry, and it amused me all the way through. And I want to kick Jacinda Barrett for being so pretty. Even playing a lesbian in Bridget Jones 2 can't take that away from her. Bitch.

Movie Review: The Breakfast Club

Okay, I was born in 1993. I wasn't alive during the 80s, therefore there is no 'year or birth' bias about 80's movies; but I really, really, really wish I had been because of the movies. The Breakfast Club has to be one of my favourite ever movies for a number of reasons, but firstly and foremost for making me wish with a passion that I was the sixth member of that Saturday detention on March 24, 1984. And any movie that could make you wish to spend a Saturday in detention has to be a good movie.

First, I am more than a little bit in love with Bender. Even though he is the bad guy, even though he can be a huge wanker, even though he comes from a dysfunctional family and wears really ugly check shirts, I really wanted to be Molly Ringwald when she kisses him at the end. Possibly my favourite part of the whole movie is the way his face softens when Claire comes in and kisses his neck- he goes from looking hardened and dead inside to surprised and amorous. And hot. Did I mention hot?

And if I can't have him, I might just settle for Emilio Estevez doing the sensitive thing. He looks pretty hot when he's crying about his old man, although he really shouldn't. The jock thing doesn't normally do it for me, but Andy was really cute and he stood up for everybody all day. Something about him- maybe the floppy hair or the athlete's jacket- made me want to cuddle him, after to wanting to tongue Bender. I'd comfort him if his Dad was being all overbearing, anyway...

I love John Hughes. The guy is a genius. He knows how to reach teens, and the dialogue in The Breakfast Club isn't even dated now- I could watch it and, if you took away the perms and the awful textiles, it could have been happening in a high school right now. It's real, but it's still got movie-esque traits that make the paying customer feel that their money was well spent. Striking that balance can be harder than it sounds, but he totally aced it, because generation after generation will love this movie. I love almost every movie that ever came out of the 1980s, but this one has to be my all-time favourite- it even beats Heathers, and I LOVED that movie. I love it so much that I am sitting here writing this, listening to Don't You Forget About Me (the theme of the movie) and picturing the end, which was possibly the best movie ending ever. That last scene of Bender punching the air in triumph kind of sums up the whole thing, doesn't it?

All I have to complain about reagaring The Breakfast Club is that I fall into the 'Allison sold out' camp. Why the pink vest, John Hughes? Why not just take off her eyeliner and brush her hair, and then BAM! Inner beauty totally exposed? WHY THE PINK VEST?!

Watch this movie, if only to become a real teenager, because you aren't until you've seen it.

5 Reasons I Love The Perks of Being a Wallflower

1. Charlie. He is the main reason. This was the first book ever to make me actually want to dive into the pages and be best friends with a character. Everything about him: his naivety about the world, his unusual outlook, his constant pop culture references.. I just love him. He's an emotional wreck and a great friend. He thinks into things way too much. He's a total fucking headcase and for that, I love him. Oh, and he loves books AND the Smiths. So he has good taste, clearly.

2. And Patrick. I really, really want a gay best friend otherwise known as 'Nothing' who has secret sex with the quarterback and tells funny stories about Action Jack! Something about him just makes you want to know him- or maybe it's just the way Charlie idolises him. Complete with a stack of cutting comments for every occassion, to me Patrick totally dominates the supporting character bracket.

3. I love Charlie's quirky takes on everything. He can think about the simplest thing- like buying someone a record- and think up lists of etiquette for it! 'I would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know that I gave it to them,' he says. Charlie just has things occur to him that no one else would even consider, and it was so interesting to read them. Like, when Patrick is crying over Brad and suddenly kisses him, and all Charlie has to say is 'And I just let him. Because that's what friends are for.'

4. Because the book introduced me to the song Asleep by the Smiths, which is quite possibly the most beautiful song that ever existed. It's about lonliness and suicide and hoping for a better world, and I've never heard Morrissey sound quite so poignant. He sounds like he means it when he croons 'sing me to sleep..' In fact, he sounds inches from crying real tears. Like I did upon hearing it.

5. The ending made me cry. I don't often cry at books, although its not unheard of; but I was literally weeping because I seriously did not see that end coming. The book makes you care about Charlie so much, and the revelation at the end hits you like a double decker bus- I won't spoil it, but it must have taken me an hour to calm down. And then another four hours to stop thinking of a way to walk to wherever Charlie lived and hug him until he was numb.

I can't possibly do justice to this amazing book by ranting on about it, so I suggest that you go and read it. I think even people who don't always enjoy reading would appreciate it, because it's young and fresh and it doesn't date, even after what? Fifteen years? So, I mean it. Go out, and run, not walk, to your local Waterstones.